if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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