She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
