i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
