why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
