I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
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Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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