The beer is more important than you right now.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
