I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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