its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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