i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
