now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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