ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He kissed a someone with a penis
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
