what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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