Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
