how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
