He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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