why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
