it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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