I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
PANTIES FOUND
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