If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
