People in love make me want to vomit
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
