I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
