pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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