Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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