Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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