I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
