OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
