Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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