The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
