I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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