it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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