Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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