Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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