over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
