Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
