I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
