There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
