i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
