If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
