I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
