She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
