It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
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