No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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