she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
