My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm at about main and main street
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
