I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i barfeds in our rink
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
