Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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