apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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