So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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