Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
