I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
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