I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
