i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
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it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
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I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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