I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
