How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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