How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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