brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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