New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
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I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
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Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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