Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
this just has baby written all over it
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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