I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
