i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
