Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
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I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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