Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
