I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
