You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
